so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
