the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
