We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
