Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
