I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
40s are totally the cure
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
