my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Randomize
