i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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