summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
