I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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