that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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