dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
