so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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