He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
