so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
