I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize