he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He has the fingertips of a God
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
