I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
