Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
