found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
