I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
