i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
