He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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