The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want her autograph on my taint
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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