he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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