Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
