Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
