He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
