I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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