I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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