Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
