I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
