We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
