I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
