D3 body, D1 cock
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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