i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
