I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
