I think I died a long time ago.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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