she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
