I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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