My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
