I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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