I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
