I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
