idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
