I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
