Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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