Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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