you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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