you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
