ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
