dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
