I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
