His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
