I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
