Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i barfeds in our rink
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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