you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
