i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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