i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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