I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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