I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
