A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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