There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
