you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
