it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
