My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
