I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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