it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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