Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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