I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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