i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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