I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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