Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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