Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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