Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
