so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
