just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
