ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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