Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
