I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
