toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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